Fuggeddiboudit


Cut up rat

Image via Wikipedia

Previously I noted that disparate studies suggest that incessantly assessing suicide risk without providing distressor relief may actually kindle – make worse – suicidality.  Over the recent past this has been my experience. The chief source of “treatment” such as it is, is by serving as a lab rat in studies.  I have been subjected to incredibly intrusive and distressing assessments on a very frequent basis.  I haven’t responded to any of the treatments and have instead had side effects including a liver injury from one – where the CRO (for profit contracted research organization) and IRB disappeared into the ether and left me to my own devices.

Last week I served as a subject that I thought wouldn’t involve distress or harm because I needed $$ to pay for treatment I received as a result of the liver injury.  Well, the assessment was awful to the extent that I called a crisis hotline – was treated to a rude and dismissive response and then the crisis provoker hung up on me. “Just read a book,” she commanded.  And,
“I’ve never been suicidal,” she crowed.

I lost time after that – a few days at least.  Apparently I threw the phone away, which makes sense.  No one calls me, and it isn’t needed since no one responds to calls for help, either.  One cost reduced.

I’m withdrawing from the other studies.  I can’t tolerate the distress.

I used to blog to try to stay current in health policy and clinical practice, but I’m too far gone to do that or to care.

So I’m signing off at this juncture with a link to what looked to be a thoughtful and fairly comprehensive report about the state of suicidality “treatment” in the US with some Western countries’ best practices thrown in.

And a plea to offer a humane death for those of us ostracized by you.  There’s a difference in wanting to hurt oneself and desiring a peaceful death. I failed at finding a means to the latter, and am forced to resort to the former.  That is cruel and unusual punishment for being deemed a worthless freak.

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One thought on “Fuggeddiboudit

  1. I think that getting ongoing mental health care, at some point, just gets to be ruminating over your troubles. How about getting NO treatment for awhile, and just go on a vacation? Or listen to fine music? Do hobbies? Every time you talk to someone about how suicidal you are, or how bad you feel, it puts another dagger into your heart, and you have to heal from it, over and over again. Take a vacation from psychiatric care. It is clear that they cannot help you. I have done quite a lot better when I gave up with most treatment. I am still depressed, but much less suicidal – mostly only suicidal during PMS and when it’s a lot of bad weather, now. It used to be nearly every day. I know how it is – for me, what seemed to help was just ditch the useless (but often well-meaning) mental health care, to the ability that I could.

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